I loved my dad. I once thought that one day I'm gonna succeed in my studies, earn a lot of money and make him proud. It turned out that I don't even have the chance to do that. He might have been proud towards my childhood success, but I've never said something like 'I love you dad' before. He knew in his heart that I loved him. But if I've ever make it more apparent, things would've turned out much better and complete. Showing your love and compassion is never embarrassing. Don't hesitate to do that.
Jackie. My dog. She's the most beautiful little creature I've ever seen. Looking back, I was quite of a messed up teen. I've never finished my homework, I've always failed to meet up with my commitments, and of course, I didn't turn out to be a responsible dog owner. Dad bought her since I was 13, and I was the one who was responsible in taking care of her. Once dad wanted to grow some grass at the compound Jackie used to stay in. So she was restrained in a cage as the grass would not adhere to the ground if she ran all over the compound. I've never talked to my parents and suggest that maybe we should let Jackie come to the front of the house, so that she would have enough space and the grass would grow without disturbance. So I let it be, and the job of taking care of Jackie was passed to my maid, indirectly. Jackie was only allowed to come out once in a while from the cage everyday, and if I'd bring her out for a walk everyday, she would have lived her life much happier. Which did not happen. I was focusing on so many other things, I was interested in so many other things outside of my house. I didn't carry out my responsibility as her owner, I didn't give her her needs.
Until few months ago, we've spotted a swell on her neck. We brought her to the vet, and he said it was an enlargement of her lymph nodes. The vet suspected it was lymphoma. But we didn't do a biopsy, because it required anaesthesia. Her lung functions weren't good so it was risky to do it. But it was apparent that it was cancer. We tried steroids, her lymph nodes weren't that swollen, but then the side effect of steroids was it brought down her immune system. She was prone to infections and ended up having maggots on her butt. Awful. It was when we started to spot the disease that I've only started my responsibility as a dog owner. Taking charge of her diet, taking care of her wounds. My sister took charge when I had my trials. These days were the days that we've built a deep relationship towards Jackie. Ironic. What was I doing for the past few years?
Her immunity went down day by day, went from hyperactive to not even able to stand up and eat. Wounds were found everywhere. It was selfish to prolong her life just for us to spend more time with her. She was suffering so badly. Her limbs were swollen. We've decided to put her down. I've appointed the vet and he was late. We were worried that the memorial service would arrive earlier than the vet. Nothing appeared in my mind when we were waiting for the vet. I was just touching Jackie's head and thought that I need to spend as much time as I could with her because she's leaving. Sitting there for an hour and a half, the vet arrived. He had not even made his first step into my house but tears already rolled down my cheeks. She's leaving. He gave her the injection. I looked into her eyes. She looked relieved. Sad that she's gone, but calm as she stopped suffering.
This was few days ago when she was already very weak. She didn't want glucosamine.
'Never love at the last minute,' my sister told me. True. People or things get out of your grasp so suddenly. It's important to constantly show your love towards the things you love. Or else you'll regret. Don't procrastinate love.
R.I.P. Jackie.
